For the record if the Patriots go 18-0 and then loose to the Giants in the Super Bowl for the second straight year, I will buy Jose a car of his choice.

I get nothing in return if it doesn’t happen.

Share/Save

So as we are whores to our readers here at Shockey Brigade, we are now offering a Kentucky Derby preview, based upon the three minutes of SportsCenter that I watched this morning.

Now according to the odds this appears to be a three horse race between Pyro (6-1), Colonel John (4-1) and Big Brown (3-1). The closest after these three are Z Fortune, Monba, Tale of Ekati and Gayego at 15-1. After them are nine horses at 20-1, including Smooth Air, Bob Black Jack, Recapturetheglory and Cool Coal Man.

So in a very particular order please find out top eleven picks for the 2008 Kentucky Derby. (Why eleven you say? Because 10 is the number of he who must not be named.)

11. Recapturetheglory – trying way too hard with this name.

10. Cool Coal Man – Sounds like someone from Pittsburgh struck it rich.

9. Bob Black Jack – Who comes up with these names?

8. Tale of Ekati – This sounds like an Anime movie….i’m not big in to that stuff.

6. Monba/ Gayego – These two horses sounds like a dance and the guy who pull it off, respectively. I cant dance.

5. Colonel John – The Shockey Brigade blog is strictly pacifist at the behest of Derek.

4. Z-Fortune- Whatever.

3. Smooth Air – This is my pick of the horse that will most upset the odds. Do you get points/money for that?

2. Big Brown - I wasn’t going to pick the front runner.

1. Pyro – Who doesn’t like fire? Also this guy just sounds like he’s going to win, and win with flair. As much as I hate to say it, he reminds me of the Christiano Ronaldo of horse racing, and that Portuguese ponce is good.

Remember, 20 percent of any money made at the Kentucky Derby through our one of a kind prediction must be paid back to Shockey Brigade. We will use this money to hire professional writers and comedians to make us look smarter and funnier than we already are.

PLACE YOUR BETS.

P.S. I’ve just learned that Vicente Fox, the former President of Mexico, is present this afternoon. I’m not sure what this means, but I bet its significant.

Share/Save

Following Jose’s lead, I’ll be diving right in, too. As part of my effort to introduce myself to all of you, I hereby submit…

Derek’s Sports-Related Man Crushes

1) Derek Jeter. That’s probably pretty obvious, but c’mon - he’s Jeter. The embodiment of Yankeeism. The Captain of the Universe/Empire. The guy might not have the OPS of Papi or Jose, and his abilities in the field probably fall somewhere between the two. But when he makes a nice play, he makes it look… so… good. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone muscle a 320-foot home run to the opposite field (or long out away from Yankee Stadium) as fluidly as he does. Lastly, he’s single. Any questions?

2) Eli Manning. What could be hotter than a Super Bowl MVP? How about a Super Bowl MVP with boyish looks, down-south charm and the glaze of innocence in his eyes. Sigh… Okay, maybe that sounds a little weird, but, as David pointed out, I’ve said weirder/less-appropriate things about the Giants quarterback. But can you really blame me, as a New York Giants fan, for being slightly excited - dare I say, aroused(?) - when, with the aid of a few holds and a clip or two (did I just say that?), Eli broke free of the grasp of several Patriots D-linemen and made The Pass? Really he’d be #1 just for that, but he loses points due to his recent marriage. Makes sense, right?

3) John Starks. #3 is #3 in my heart. In Game 7 of the 1994 NBA Finals, with a title on the line, John Starks of the New York Knicks went 2-of-18 from the field (0-of-11 3-pointers!) :(. It was painful, and most non-Knicks fans point to that game when discussing Starks. But really, the picture to the right says it all about this guy and his career. Sure, Chicago won that series, but how did your team do against Jordan’s Bulls? And nobody embodied the grittitude of my beloved Knicks teams of the ’90s like John.

4) Lionel Messi. This is pretty much a tossup between Messi and fellow Barcelona teammate Samuel Eto’o. I love their passion and drive. But what Messi can do with a soccer ball… man. ¡Que sexy! I don’t know what else I can say about it, except that he looks like he’s running with the ball attached to his foot. (Be sure to check out the slow-motion replay at 1:05).

Honorable mention: Samuel Eto’o, Jeremy Shockey, Chris Monroe

Share/Save

First of all, Welcome.

Second of all, I would like to say that I am very unhappy with the name of this blog, but apparently in a democracy 2 beats 1, and hence we are where we are. I am the one non-Giants fan on this blog. I’m actually a Patriots fan who was dragged to a number of Giants games this year by my two friends Derek and Jose, only to have my heart ripped out by the very team whose mediocrity I used to marvel at. In the words of Cartman: “I hate you guys.”

As the designated driver at most of these games (and thus the one with a functional memory), let me say that the Shockey Brigade lives, and that I look forward to the coming years when Jeremy Shockey is traded from the team, and even though they will boo any reminders of him in the stadium, thousands of New Yorkers will wear his jersey each weekend.

P.S. Let it be known that Derek was quoted as saying that he wanted to make “sweet love” to Eli Manning shortly following the end of the Super Bowl.

Share/Save