I wish I could stop there. That would be it for this post. I could spend the rest of my evening finishing my beer and taking notes for my forthcoming novel, “10 Ways to Make Jim Rome’s Head Explode Using Only a Soccer Ball” (long title, I know. But effective).

“He’ll be back,” Boss said. “I’ve got a lot more to learn from him. He’s been a great mentor. Obviously he’s a better player than me.”

3. Reggie Miller: When I first started putting this list together, I immediately put Reggie in the 1 hole. It was a no-brainer. Reggie Miller = Hate. Plain and simple. Except what happened was, after Reggie, I realized I have no respect for the next two guys on my list. The 1^st eight spots on the list, however, I do respect, regardless of my own personal feelings towards them (except Yadier, Weaver, Suppan and Heilman… no respect… in fact, their respect owes my respect $20… or something like that.)

Which brings me to Reginald Wayne Miller (why is it that all these people I hate have the middle name Wayne? Weird). The infamous “8 points in 9 seconds” game was enough to make me despise this man for life. This continues to hurt me for so many reasons. Undoubtedly, it was a devastating loss, but it was so much more. We’ll start with the obvious. There was the phantom “I clearly just pushed Greg Anthony to the floor, but I’m gonna throw my hands up as if I didn’t touch him because, hey, I’m Reggie Miller, and I don’t foul people” move. This was followed by John Starks bricking 2 free throws. That was followed by Patrick Ewing missing a short jumper. And all of that was followed by Reggie sinking two of his own free throws to finally crush the Knicks.

That’s pretty bad, right? Unfortunately, it gets worse. Without this loss, the Knicks would have almost certainly won this series. Without this loss, I probably would not have had to live through another one of the most excruciating losses in the history of my fandom. In game 7 of the series (a game the Knicks should have won), Patrick Ewing painfully missed a finger roll from about 2 feet from the hoop at the buzzer to ultimately send the Knicks packing for the rest of the summer. Now, this is all pretty awful by itself. Then you factor in the part where this was 1995! You know what else was going on in 1995? Sir Jordan had spent much of the season swinging and missing while all this basketball playing was going on! His Bulls lost to the bloody Magic that year! This means, the Knicks win this series, they got a darned good chance to get back to finals. Ouch. And that was just one series. I won’t even get into the countless other times he came to the Garden, taunted poor Spike, and broke hearts. I wince every time I hear his voice announcing games. I always just envision him yelling “choke” and putting his hands up to his throat, like a little bitch.

Note: John Starks’ head butt of Reggie: yet another reason why he deserves man crush love from every Knicks fan to ever live.

2. Roger Clemens: There’s lots to say about Roger, but I’m going to try to keep this short. I am of the firm belief that he is a scumbag. The way he has handled all these steroid allegations is insulting to our intelligence and damaging to his legacy. That, however, is not why he made this list. He made this list for his two highly publicized and famous altercations with Michael Piazza. It’s debatable as to which incident was more disturbing, but guaranteed that they both make a man think. The first took place during the regular season in a mid-summer game in Yankee Stadium during the 2000 season. Piazza had hit a home run off Clemens in his prior at bat, and came up again with the Mets in the lead. Clemens promptly drilled Piazza in the head, leaving him unconscious on the Yankee Stadium ground at home plate. Could this have been an accident? Surely. And had this been a pitch from Denny Neagle or Ted Lilly, I would have most certainly chalked it up to that. However, this was not Denny Neagle, this was Roger Clemens. The same man who struck out 20 men in a game… twice. The same man who won SEVEN Cy Young awards. The same man who posted a sub- 2.00 ERA at the ripe young age of 43! Now riddle me this… how often do you see someone hit in the head in Major League Baseball? I would say, not too stinkin’ often. It all just doesn’t add up to me. And no one will ever convince me that he didn’t do it on purpose.

Moving on to Act II. The long awaited and ridiculously over-hyped rematch between Mr. Sam Champion* and the Rocket took place again in Yankee Stadium, but this time in game 2 of the World Series. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or maybe it was the steroids, I really don’t know. What I do know, is that Roger Clemens was not a sane man. As you all know, Piazza hit a weak ground ball, whereupon half of his bat went nearly as far as the ball. Any mentally stable man would have merely let the bat fall and ended it there… after all, he won… Piazza was out. But no. This man decided the right thing to do was grab the splintered bat, and throw it at the quasi-homosexual man as he was running to first base. UUUHHWWHHAAAAAT?? So ridiculous that it’s borderline comical. In fact, I have laughed at it before. But taking all this into account, especially with all the recent issues surrounding his credibility, I could put Roger “head-hunter” Clemens no lower than #2 on this list. Roger: go stick more things in your ass. (How’s that for keeping it short!)

*For those who do not get the “Sam Champion” citation: This is in reference to the widely spread rumor around the NY area that Mike Piazza was involved in a serious love affair with New York weatherman, Sam Champion. The rumor suggested that the two had even bought a house together. To my knowledge this has never been confirmed nor disconfirmed but remains a hilarious allegation to this day.

1. P.J. Brown: It continues to amaze me that people have nothing but nice things to say about P.J. Brown. Well, luckily for me, I have come to the rescue to set the record straight (how’s that for good fortune!). The man is a thug PERIOD You see, I wrote the word period because I wanted to make sure you all saw the emphasis on that statement. Ya know what, let’s get crazy. Let’s write it one more time, just for effect. The man (P.J. Brown) is a thug. I still, to this day, have no idea why he decided to flip poor Charlie Ward for merely trying to box him out off of a free throw. It boggles my mind. It is absolutely shocking. In fact, it is Jeremy Shocking. This single act of thugary sticks out so much in my mind, that it vaulted Mr. Brown atop my much ballyhooed list of sports villains.

Let me set the scene for you. Knicks-Heat. 1997. Game 5. The Knicks had thus far dominated the series and were up 3 games to 1. The Heat played well in the game, in Miami, and were about to send the series back to New York for a game 6. The end of the game got a little “heated” (wwhhoooooaaaaaa) and the tensions mounted when Charles Oakley was ejected after an altercation with Alonzo Mourning. Next time down the floor, Tim Hardaway was at the line. Charlie Ward went in for position when the shot went up, and whap, next thing anyone knew, P.J. Brown was flipping him into the first row of photographers behind the basket. The interesting part of this is what went down next. Four, count ‘em, 1,2,3,4, Knicks came off the bench to help their fallen comrade. Four! That is more than half of the bench. That means only three players decided to not come off the bench. Would you like to know how many Heat came off the bench during the altercation?? How about ZERO! As stat boy would say: the big squadush! Now, you can argue that they were just more disciplined than the Knicks, or that all their players happened to be familiar with the rule that coming off the bench yields an automatic one game suspension in the NBA, and that during this time of great drama, they all instantly remembered this rule, and opted to not help their teammates in a brawl. Uuuummmm…. FOUR to ZERO… I’m not buying it! I’m not saying that the Heat knew P.J. was going to try to start something but… oh wait… that’s EXACTLY what I’m saying. It really is the only way I can make sense of it all. LAME.

Anyyywayyy, because the Knicks had so many suspensions from the brawl, they were spread across the next two games. Without Ward, Ewing, and Allan Houston in game six back in The Garden, the Knicks didn’t stand a chance (even though the building was rocking, and the Knicks led much of the game and almost pulled it out behind one hell of a performance by John Starks). Back in Miami for game 7, they stood even less of a chance missing Grandmama and Starks, and the series ended with the Knicks on the short end of the stick. I will never forget this premeditated thug-nation act. And it was the only thing to ever keep the Knicks from beating the Heat in playoffs when it mattered. Just writing this has been sickening for me, and I can do it no more. P.J. Brown, congratulations, you are officially crowned Numero Uno on The Hate List. You earned it. Now, go away.

Honorable Mention: Alonzo Mourning, Martin Brodeur, Tom Glavine, Toni Kukoc, Keith Van Horn

I have much hate to go around, so I’m sure this list will not be the last of it’s kind. Please hold applause.