Let’s start by talking about this picture taken from MLB.com today. Just look at the love in those eyes. And what’s better, the picture or the accompanying text below “LA’s skipper must figure out how best to ride his new slugger to postseason success”? Ahhh… 5th grade homophobic humor.

Anyway, this article got me thinking about what the contenders did to improve their teams this year. I’ll start by taking a look at the American League:

AL EAST
Tampa Bay Rays (1st place, 63-44)
Trades: None.
Analysis: They had a chance to get Jason Bay, but that seems to be as close as they got to making any moves. This shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s the first time they’ve been in a position to make the playoffs and they should be happy to be there - they’re a team built for the future. And regardless, in Baseball Prospectus’ postseason odds report, the Rays make the playoffs in 85% of one million simulations of the rest of the season. That makes it a sure thing, right?

Boston Red Sox (2nd place, 61-48, 3 GB)
Trades: Hahahahaha. Ahem. I mean… OF Manny Ramirez to Los Angeles (NL), OF Brandon Moss and RHP Craig Hansen to Pittsburgh for OF Jason Bay
Analysis: I don’t think the Red Sox should lose too much sleep over Brandon Moss and Craig Hansen. They’re good players, but not elite prospects. Manny, though… They lost their HR leader, his .398 OBP and his 68 RBIs at the beginning of August while they’re hanging onto the Wild Card lead. Bay is as much as they wanted to get back in any Manny trade and is a very good pickup, but suddenly the middle of that lineup doesn’t scare me quite as much. Ortiz and Bay are hitting a combined .195 against lefties this season. Helloooo, Damaso Marte…

New York Yankees (3rd place, 59-49, 4.5 GB)
Trades: RHP Ross Ohlendorf, OF Jose Tabata, RHP Jeff Karstens, RHP Dan McCutchen to Pittsburgh for OF Xavier Nady and LHP Damaso Marte
RHP Kyle Farnsworth to Detroit for C Ivan Rodriguez
Anaylysis: YES!! He’s gone he’s gone he’s gone he’s gone… Okay, Farnsworth was having a decent season, but this is awesome. The Yankees got Pudge and rid themselves that gun-toting, camo-underwear-loving dickhead who had the audacity to cry when he learned he was traded. Attention Mr. Farnsworth: WE ALL HATED YOU!! Seriously. The guy has given up 26 home runs in three seasons as a Yankee, and I’m pretty sure I’ve predicted five of them - one in person. That, my friends, shows a lack of confidence.
As for the Nady-Marte deal, the Yankees needed a right-handed bat and they got a decent one in Nady. Sure, he’s having a career year, but I’ll take him as an option in the outfield for a season and a half. Marte fills a huge vacancy in the bullpen as a left-handed reliever. They traded four prospects, but the Yankees farm system is full of “eh” pitchers right now, while Tabata has had personal issues this year. Good move. Two very good moves, actually.

AL CENTRAL
Chicago White Sox (1st place, 60-47)
Trades: RHP Nick Masset and INF Danny Richar for OF Ken Griffey Jr.
Analysis: The White Sox say they “definitely [are] going to have to hit more in the second half” to make the playoffs. For a team that is 3rd in the AL in runs scored per game, that tells me you don’t have a great team. Or you play in a crummy divisi– yeahhhhh. The worst current division leader in baseball (in my opionion) felt they had to do something. So they got Griffey. Adding Griffey to a lineup that already includes Jim Thome, Nick Swisher, Carlos Quentin, Paul Konerko and Jermaine Dye doesn’t frighten me. But it can’t hurt, right?

Minnesota Twins (2nd place, 60-48, .5 GB)
Trades: None.
Anaylsis: The Twins continue to surpass expectations in the Central. They’ll soon get Liriano back, and I assume they didn’t have much to give up to get a bat. With a few good young players already in the majors, I can’t blame them for staying put.

Detroit Tigers (3rd place, 55-53, 5.5 GB)
Trades: C Ivan Rodriguez for RHP Kyle Farnsworth (hehe)
Analysis: The Tigers are in desperate need for what Joe Morgan would describe as “consistecy”. More so, they needed bullpen help. Farnsworth fills that need. He won’t single-handedly solve their pitching problems, but right now there aren’t too many people who can.

AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels (1st place, 68-40)
Trades: 1B Casey Kotchman and RHP Stephen Marek for 1B Mark Teixeira
Analysis: Damnnnnnnn. Kotchman is good but damnnnnnn. The best team in baseball went out and got one of the best first basemen in baseball. October’s gonna be tough for AL teams that don’t employ the rally monkey.

I’ll talk about Oakland in tomorrow’s NL recap when I focus more the Blanton trade. And no one cares about Texas, do they?

Finally, for a little preview of tomorrow’s NL recap, I’ll offer you this, the goofiest MLB profile picture ever. Keep in mind he’s also 6’ 11”. See you tomorrow. (Can’t wait!!!)

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Random Assortment of Thoughts:

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–Seattle… eerrrrr… Oklahoma City Sonics…. eerrrr… Bandits?? First thing: How much must it suck for the fans of a team when their city loses a franchise? I can’t even fathom this. If the Knicks left New York, I would cry nightly (unfortunately, if the Knicks stay in New York, I will also cry nightly). Honestly though, in the event of losing one of your favorite teams to relocation, what is the proper protocol? Do you continue to root for that team? After all, you probably have some sort of predilection towards the players, and this is the team you’ve always rooted for. Or, do you hate the owners that moved this team so much that you therefore hate everything about them; denounce the team that scorned you, throw all its CD’s out the window, burn all its jerseys while creepily chanting ritualistically, throw out all those old ticket stubs that you once gazed upon in nostalgic adoration as you bury your tears at the bottom of a bottle of Johnny. If the team not only moves, but changes its identity (as is the case with the Oklahoma City Bombers (too soon? too obvious?)), can you still feel any fondness towards them? Is it even still the same team? And finally, if you happen to stay loyal to your relocated franchise, and your city then gets an expansion or other relocated team… then what the hell do you do? Do you dump the one team? Do you root for two teams? Do you ignore the new team in your city?

This is all just so damned interesting to me that I took it to the streets. I interviewed (in round table discussion format) a lifelong Cleveland Browns fan (spurned by the now Baltimore Ravens, only to have another Browns team join their lives), a die hard Washington Senators fan (who had their team ripped from them not once but twice!!, only to have the Expos come to town- yikes), an LA Rams fan (who also really liked the Raiders), and the Charlotte Hornets #1 fan. If you didn’t realize that previous sentence was a lie after I pretended the Charlotte Hornets had fans, you are silly. Yet I can’t help but wonder… are there fans in Cleveland that root for the Ravens?… are there fans in Baltimore that root for the Colts?… any Laker fans in Minneapolis?… any Timberwolves fans in Minneapolis? (zing). And what, oh what will become of all those lonely Seattle Supersonics fans, who just one year ago, geared up for a nice long 15-20 years of Kevin Durant. Well Seattle… PSYCH!

(in an aside- It must really suck for fans of those teams that sucked when they were in town, only to leave town and become really good- especially if a new team comes to town, and subsequently continues the old team’s sucking ways. And so… Condolences to the aforementioned Cleveland Browns fans. I apologize, LA Rams fans. My heart cries for Minneapolis Laker fans. I light a candle for all you Quebec Nordiques crazies. I shed a tear for Charlotte Hornets fans… oh wait… they don’t exist. Yet to all the Vancouver Grizzly, San Diego Clipper, Montreal Expo, and St. Louis Cardinal (football) fans out there- I congratulate you, for you escaped with your lives)

–Brett Favre. Is anyone as sick of this guy as I am? Oh yea… everyone is. I don’t need to say much, just that, for the sake of everyone involved- fans, himself, the Packers, Aaron Rodgers- the guy needs to stay retired. He would look ridiculous, and it certainly couldn’t help his legacy (unless of course he won a championship). Leave well enough alone on this one Brett. Enjoy retirement, and continue wearing those lovely jeans.

–OK. We get it. The Devil Rays, excuse me, The Rays have never been any good, and they’re good this year. Please beat this dead horse of a story to death a little fuckin’ more, could you? If I hear one more “Are the Rays for real?” stories, or “Super impressive amazing happy time Rays” stories, I’m going to lose it. I’m rootin’ like hell for ‘em, don’t get me wrong on this, it’s just maddening how the media can get their hands on a good story and make me want to intentionally choke on my own vomit just so I won’t have to hear about it anymore. Let’s go Rays. Let’s go Dick Vitale. Let’s go Evan Longoria. Let’s go Troy Percival (who incidentally… I don’t know if you know this but… he is a great clubhouse leader. Some might even call him the “glue” of that clubhouse. I’m just guessing, I haven’t heard this 174 times). Let’s go Tropicana Field. Let’s go “exercising the Devils” (isn’t it amazing how many people use that clever pun). Let’s go little payrolls. Let’s go someone in the AL East not from Boston or NY. Let’s. Go. Rays. Sorry to be a Debbie Downer on this one, but fellow Shockey Brigade columnist, David, pointed this out to me the other day. I thought about it, and it pissed me off. All this being said… seriously, let’s go Rays.

– Have I mentioned how good Fernando Tatis is recently??

–Kudos to David on totally calling the C.C. Sabathia to Milwaukee deal. They look pretty dangerous right now, especially if they can get one more arm for that bullpen.

–Who else is super dee-duper excited about the Olympics? No one? Ok… no cream.

–Did anyone in America, including Josh Hamilton’s mother, actually watch the MLB All-Star selection show on TBS? Did anyone in America even know such a thing existed? I only knew because I happened to see a commercial for it whilst I was watching TBS one day (probably Family Guy). I’m sure this one had the advertisers foaming at the mouth at the very thought of this ratings frenzy. Not only do people generally not give a crap who makes the All-Star team (apart from players on their own teams), but anyone who did care probably could have waited the 5 minutes and checked it out on espn.com to take a look at the rosters. They will put absolutely any garbage on TV these days. And if you were wondering, I am, in fact, a bitter old man.

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