Keeping with my theme of hatred, anger and cynicism, I bring to you the opposite of the man crush list. I think you can tell a lot more about a man from what he dislikes than you can from what he likes, which is why I’ve decided to put this list together for all of you. So hold on to your hats, and enjoy the ride, as I finally present to you, the long awaited and vastly overdue top 10 version of: Jose’s Lista de Hombre-Odio… enjoy.

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Note: I have limited this list to players, so apologies to Scott Layden, Tom Coughlin (pre Steve Spagnuolo), Pat Riley, James Dolan, Phil Jackson, Isiah Thomas, Bill Belichick, and many many others… Perhaps one day your time will come.

10. Mario Elie: Just one of those guys that would continuously get under your skin. Nobody stands out as more dislikable in my mind than Elie from that ’94 finals. He was a pest on both ends of the court and on top of it, he never shut the hell up. To make matters worse… he always seemed to hit big shots. Congratulations, Mario, you just made the cut.

9. Tony Homo: There are so many things to hate about this guy, where should I begin? Well, he’s already been crowned the next Mr. Universe, despite the fact that his best accomplishment thus far was to be the impetus behind a great source of comedy. There’s also the matter of his boyish good looks and that damn smirk that seems to be painted on his face. Plus, the annoying factor is just through the roof with this guy. Can anyone tell me why, even when he fumbles crucial snaps and has done nothing but choke, people continue to slurp him every chance they get? And, on top of it, the only time they do criticize him is when he goes on vacation to make sweet, sweet love to a beautiful woman! I just do not get it. Chalk some hate up for my man, Tony Homo.

Note: Hopefully he does not move up this list, because if he does, I fear it means he’s done unthinkable wrongs to my dear Giants.

8. Armando Benitez: His performance in game 1 of the 2000 World Series was simply unforgivable. After the Mets scored 3 in the 7^th to take a 3-2 lead in a crucial game 1 at Yankee Stadium, Armando came in in the 9th and did what he does best. He let the Yankees tie the game, and they would eventually go on to win in 12 innings. In a series where three games were decided by 1 run and the other two were decided by just 2 runs, I’m only left to wonder what could have been if Armando could have held onto that lead. This was more than just a blown save. This was a game between the upstart Mets and the mighty cross-town Yankees. This was a game IN YANKEE STADIUM to prove that the Mets belonged to be there. Armando did his best to prove that they did not belong. Absolute crusher. He broke my heart several times in big spots, but this was by far the worst. Armando… hate ya, meng.

7. Tim Hardaway: Oh Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. How’s it going little guy? It’s been a while. You see when I called Romo “Tony Homo”? Eh?? Ya like that one?? I really showed that cock-sucker! High Five! Buuut seriously, folks… Tim Hardaway… not a fan. All I think of when I think of little Timmy is devastating threes from really far distances away from the basket. Killer. Hate him.

6. Chipper Jones: Larry Wayne Jones Jr. What kind of grown man officially changes his name to “Chipper”? An awful one. I can only imagine this guy at a party…

Party Goer: Yo, Larry, what’s going down my man!

Larry: No! My naaaame is Chipper!

Party Goer: Seriously? You’re, like, 35 years old, man.

Larry: I said… Chipper, or I’m TELLING!!

Party Goer: O… OK, chief… um, yea, Chipper, whatever you say, little buddy. Want a cookie?

Also, this smug son of a bitch named his son “Shea” in homage to how well he has hit at Shea Stadium. Why I oughta!!

Note: If Larry was angry enough with his dad over the name to change it to Chipper, imagine what Shea is going to think when he grows up… Anyone else excited for Shea “Slick” Jones??

5. Yadier Molina/Jeff Weaver/Jeff Suppan/Aaron Heilman: The 2006 NLCS is one of the worst sports memories of my life. Not only was it devastating at the time, but in all likelihood, it’s still causing the Mets to choke. I honestly couldn’t decide which of these scrubs I hate more, so instead, I’ll just spread the wealth. *Prepare for cursing and anger…. Waait for iiiittt…… NOW!*

Jeff… fuckin… Weaver??? Really?? This is the guy you couldn’t beat? IN NEW YORK, no less?? Really?? I just threw up in my mouth a little. Jeff Suppan?? (see previous rambling, disgusted sentiments) Except the ironic thing about Suppan (1-0, 0.60 ERA in 15 IP in the series) is that I used to joke that I owned a Jeff Suppan jersey, primarily due to his painful mediocrity… this was something I found to be humorous. Apparently, the karma gods did not find this amusing and swiftly kicked me in the nuts via The Jeff Suppan Dominance Hour, known only as the 2006 NLCS. Needless to say, I have yet to make that joke since. As for Yadier Molina, and Aaron Heilman… If Albert Pujols were going to hit a series winning, 9^th inning home run… or even Scott Rolen… FUCK! I can’t even talk about it. The amazing thing about this series is that in game 7, I don’t think I’ve ever gone from elation (still gives me goose bumps) to devastation (no link, I don’t feel like reliving it) quicker, and I hope I never do again. Luckily my drunken stupor at the time swung my mood towards anger as opposed to sadness, or I would have bawled in front of many people, and it would have been awkward.

Note: Adam Wainwright would have made this list as well, but for the fact that he continues to pitch like gangbusters for several of my fantasy teams (I’m a sellout, I know).

4. Donovan McNabb: 5 years ago, heck even 3 years ago, Donovan easily could have cracked the top 2 or 3 on this list. Thankfully, he’s slowed a bit, and as his downfall has brought upon him such venom and anger from Philly fans, he has become slightly less hate-able… but only slightly. He is Tony Romo without the gay smile and with the painful victories over my beloved Giants. The Eagles under McNabb have been too good for too long. The guy had an incredible knack to break your heart. Just when you thought you had him tackled or contained, he’d slip out and crush you with a long run or an improbable completion. For the life of me, I cannot understand how Philly fans do not build a temple in honor of this guy. Yes, he never won a Super Bowl for you, but then again, neither did anyone else… hiyooo! The man carried that team time and time again, while putting up Pro Bowl numbers. AND all he had to throw to was Moe, Larry, and Curly. Respect him lots. Despise him more.

Still to come: Tomorrow’s exciting conclusion of The Hate List. Please be sure to tune in for the top 3 most hated sports characters in Jose’s life. GET PSYCHED!

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